Prefacial

It is possible, though highly improbable, to concoct a moral system based upon the actions of superheroes. But that’s not what I want to talk about.

It is possible to set out a systematic philosophy of ethical thought, observation, and behavior using nothing more than aphorisms composed of two-sentence thought-stems. Nor is that what I want to talk about. My roommate’s co-worker notice I’m reading Human, All Too Human and asks what it’s about. I tell him, “Philosophy,” and he tells me, “I didn’t know you were a philosophizer,” dragging the word through California sand like “Ted” Theodore Logan: “phil-os-o-phizer.”

“Dude,” I wondered, “you aren’t?” To me, it’s as if someone has announce they didn’t know I breathed oxygen/nitrogen/trace element mixture. At the same time, how could he have known? It’s not as if I’ve told him. Two years ago, when my ex-wife called me a philosopher I didn’t believe her. Philosophers have systems, books and fixed beliefs. I was a fool two years ago, and believe some foolish things. Now I’ve become quite acquainted with the fluidity of all things, shook hands with relativism and discovered that the universe is an uncertain chaos; that we really cannot know and what we know we can rarely tell given that we have slaved ourselves to the techno-fetishism of language. The Word Virus marches on, ever West…until it reaches East and bites its own tail like a jargon snake.

Was that what I wanted to talk about it? Not really, no. Really, all I wanted to do was get the juices flowing, get the ol’ synapse firing, and get ready for the real Work. I must find a way to finish a story and at last leave behind this inescapable feeling that I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing.

Strange choice of words, that. “Supposed” to be. Strange. This is what happens when an impressionable writer reads William S. Burroughs. If I needed a defense, I would offer up the fact that we are both children of Missouri, and we both fled for the Big City as soon as we possibly could. Both of us found our pet addictions and enjoyed our unrequited romances…though if he weren’t dead I might feel sorry for old Bill. Alan Ginsberg sounds like a hard bastard to carry a torch for, like the kind of girl who’ll bring her new boyfriend over, the better to solicit your opinion, “as a friend.” What to do then, and remain “moral” (or, as Nietzsche might say, to remain in synch with one’s own will). My heart and love once again summed it up quite succinctly: “It’s a happy ending; just not for you.” And this is most definitely not what I wanted to talk about.

But I’ve spent the week reading Naked Lunch and last night attended my best friend’s birthday party. The month of February is falling away from itself and I’m not closer to where I believe I should be. No closer to working my will upon the universe. My mind is a fragmented haze and I must get to Work soon. No choice to be had. I must learn to finish things.