On the vaguely-Pacific island of Santa Marta, a species of enormous, animate plant disturbs a band of youthful-looking looters, come to scavenge the island’s hastily-evacuated luxury resort.H.E.A.T. arrives after the credits, and team lead Nick Tatopolus is quick to claim the moral high ground. “We’re not just here on their word,” meaning the looters. “The resort company also asked us to check it out.” The increasingly-annoying Randy, for once, delivers some useful information with his follow-up quip. “And he asked in the universal language: moolah.” We know now that H.E.A.T., like the Ghostbusters before them, work on spec, no doubt offering “Professional megafauna investigation and elimination.” Or “innovative, giant monster removal solutions.”
Whatever the case, an underwater thermal geyser spills Our Heroes onto the beach, wreaking their trusty inflatable motor raft. While Nick and Randy hotwire it, Craven, Elsie and Monique carve a path inland through the surprisingly lush foliage between beach and resort. Don’t volcanic eruptions tend to thin out jungles? And what’s Elsie talking about “underground nuclear tests” back in the 50s? This whole set-up spells BAD in big, blinking letters and you’d think someone (Nick, say?) would suggest staying together, at least until the boat’s fixed.
But no. Our team splits up. “Something inside the ash,” Elsie theorizes as they truck on, “must be acting as a super fertilizer.” Who died and made you Team Botanist, Doctor? Weren’t you a paleontologist a few episodes ago? Or are you just talking to fight the heeby-geebies? At least Mendel gives into them honestly; “Help me! Their alive,” he shouts, accidentally falling into a tangle of vines.
At the hotel, French Fry and Cowardly Scientist find plenty of vicious vines. Retreating into the hotel, they also find a hive-full of pick-up truck-sized bees. Monique breaks an ankle evading them and still manages to keep Mendel alive. Her disdain is palpably French as they flee into the hotel’s ventilation system.
Now, let’s talk about fluctuating superpowers. About Superman turning back time by flying around the world. About He-Man holding starships in place with some magic lasso She-Ra stole from Wonder Woman. About Aquaman, cira Superfriends, and his glass jaw. About many a Decepticon taken out with one punch. I’m talking about Godzilla being unable to wrench himself free from a bushel of triffids. Why? So Nick and Randy can rig up a laser on site out of whatever they’ve got in their backpacks. Times like this, I wonder about Dr. Nick; he could be MacGuyver in disguise, befriended by a giant reptile. If so, I wish he’d hurry up and tell Godzilla to crush Nightrider.
Laser-equipped, Nick and Randy stand by at minimum safe distance and watch Godzilla trim the verge. And just when the series has lost me, it wins me back: a giant bee descends from the sky to snatch Randy away. Can I hope for the slow, painful death of this show’ s Odieus Comic Relief? There’s no real harm in that…is there?
No. Because you’ll remember the hive, which consumes most of the hotel. Nevertheless, Mendel and Monique (through sheer cartoon luck) happen to come out of the vents in the Queen’s Throneroom—formerly an Olympic sized swimming pool. Her Majesty needs all the space she can get though. Like so many cartoon monsters in this pre-digital age, Her Majesty will radically change size and proportion throughout the fight scene to come. As will Godzilla, who arrives to wreak havoc on the beehive, along with the hotel it just so happens to occupy.
Since we know H.E.A.T. works on a pay-for-play basis, I’d love to see someone try to deduct collateral damage to their assets out of Dr. Nick’s quoted price. Does Nicky start low or play high ball? He does seem to have the giant monster hunter market cornered, but how long will that last? Where’s the South Pacific’s answer to this shifty bunch of gaijin? (In a future episode, that’s where.) Where’s the army? Assuming there were underground nuclear tests “in the 50s,” what’s to say the Go’ment gave up its stake in this little bit of radioactive paradise? Maybe the whole “resort company” thing is a front—like Monique’s “casualty and property insurance” business.
Elsie gets captured by giant vines…who don’t seem to do much beyond grab you and pull you above the treeline. Nick rescuers her with his new laser, and you can tell the boys in marketing really wanted to paint Nick as an Action Hero. Not only does he rescue the redheaded damsel with his handmade (rather Ghostbuster-like) blaster, he gets to catch her in his arms, a nerdy Fabio impersonator straight from a Harlequin Romance cover…if, that is, small armies of underpaid South Korean animators drew Harlequin Romance covers.
Godzilla’s neigh-invulnerability comes to the fore here, as the Big-G at last gets a decent fight scene under him. After the wrestling matches with El Gusano and the Orange, Candy-Striped Ooze, Godzilla’s had a run of low budget opponents. Not so with the Queen Bee or her hive of Killers. Having already survived the ocean’s depths and the U.S. military (who so-handedly dispatched the “first” Godzilla in 1998’s movie…which I really should get around to reviewing here at some point or another), Randy’s “Lizard King,” (no, honey, that’s Jim Morrison) survives a lot of crap in this episode. Bee stings, volcanic eruptions, hazardous falls, Randy’s one-liners…this Godzilla could give the Tick lessons in poise, and it’s nice to see…even if it does shoot any dramatic tension this show had left in the head. No, not the foot; the head.
The tropical resort provides a nice twist on the usually-monotonous Jungle Fight…though I always hate how easy it is for giant monster movie makers to lose perspective in natural settings. The tendency is to film (or animate) at your creature’s eye level, as once again our human heroes flee, leaving the volcano to clean up after Godzilla.Clean up it does, wiping out the whole island in the tradition of Godzilla vs the Sea Monster. Godzilla survives, of course, to Nick’s evident delight. So, despite some weak spots in the middle, and the usual complaints, a good monster time is had by all. This is the most “traditional” episode so far, sharing its setting, plot-structure, and resolution with many an SF film “from the 50s.” I could rattle of a whole baker’s dozen of them (and those are just the ones that end with a spontaneous volcanic eruption). But then again, if you’re reading these words, chances are you can too.
