Friday, July 23, 2010

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Memo From New Zealand: Twilight Kills!

Wednesday night, police discovered a twenty-three year "transient" slumped in his car, dead, outside a Wellington, New Zealand theater screening of Eclipse, the series latest film installment.

To paraphrase my favorite Quaid, I've been saying it for years. (Ain't I been sayin' it, Miguel?) Twilight is undeniable blueprint for murder, more potent and viable than all the "violent" video games I've ever played in my life put together.

The official cause of death is yet to be determined at press time...but I think we could hazard a few guesses. The continued success of the Twilight series has led me to contemplated suicide once or twice myself, and frankly I'm grateful to find I'm not alone. So I'd like to salute you, anonymous transient man, and let the whole world know that you're death was not in vain.

(h/t Jezebel and the NZ Herald)