Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009): Part I - Less than Meets the Eye

The Month of Bayhem concludes with our video review of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009): Part I - Less than Meets the Eye

Friday, May 20, 2011

Transformers (2007)

Today, we repost our 2007 review of Transformers (2007), the One That Started it All, because I'm hammering out next week's review of Revenge of the Fallen and, believe it or not, that's gonna take some time.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Island (2005)

And so, Bayhem continues with The Island (2005). That is all.

Monday, May 16, 2011

A funny thing happened to me on the internet the other day

And I figured I'd talk about it here since I've barely paid attention to this site in months and feel fairly secure breaking the fourth wall over here. But Something funny happened to "me" on the internet over the weekend, and I figured I'd talk about it here rather than clutter up the main site.

At this point, I've been posting at-least-weekly reviews on And You Thought It Was Safe(?) for over a year. In that time, I've managed to increase my audience by a factor of five billion through the steady application of my nose to various grindstone. And yet, over the weekend, the author, blogger and Glenn Beckite Kathy Shaidle decided to pat me on the head, initiating one hell of a traffic increase. Seriously: more people saw my stuff last Sunday than normally see it in a week. That's as staggering thought. No matter how much I do, I am not Legion. You fine people in the internet are.

But the fact I'm such hot shit even Canadian libertarians love me isn't the funny part. The funny part is, a majority of those who came from fivefeetoffury immediately checked out my Vault of Past Reviews, Organized by Rating. Where they immediately encountered, at the top of the charts, sitting pretty with perfect scores of 5 out of 5

-The Ridley Scott horror movie

-The early 90s Batman cartoon nobody remembers

-Fight Club

-The John Carpenter horror movie

-The Spike Lee documentary

-The Noam Chomsky documentary

-The Michael Moore documentary

-John Carpenter's sci-fi send up of Reaganomics and,

-The feminist country noir that perfectly captures my home region: bleak, bloody, overrun with meth dealers, and depressing.

Now if that's not comedy, I don't know what is. I wonder how far they got before the realization sunk in. "Jesus fucking Christ, this asshole's a flaming liberal! Ge even lives in Or-ray-gon! I'll bet he even knows...immigrants! And Muslims!" Buy my cigarettes from 'em, in fact...though I don't know how devout they are, considering they don't seem to have a problem selling me smokes. Or alcohol.

And Kathy? I'm glad you liked it. Thank you.

Godzilla the Series: An Exercise in Over-Analysis - Part VIII

Reposted Godzilla the Series: An Exercise in Over-Analysis - Part VIII over at AYTIWS(?) That's all for now.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Bad Boys II (2003)

Shit gets real over at And You Thought It Was Safe(?) as we review Bad Boys II (2003). You're welcome.

Friday, May 06, 2011

The Rock (1996)

The Month of Bayhem continues today, when AYTIWS reviews The Rock (1996)

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Bad Boys (1995)

Today at AYTIWS, the Month of Bayhem begins where it all began, in Miami, with Bad Boys (1995).

Friday, April 29, 2011

New Review: King Kong (1933)

Today, AYTIWS decides to intentionally bait fan boys by taking a critical dump on King Kong (1933). You're welcome.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

New Review: Nightmares in Red, White and Blue: The Evolution of the American Horror Film (2009)

Today And You Thought It was Safe(?) takes a crack at what Fangoria described as "the best documentary of its kind in years." And we all know losers love to whine about their "best." Does Nightmares in Red, White and Blue: The Evolution of the American Horror Film (2009) come away a loser? Or does it go home and fuck the prom queen, like winners are supposed to do?

Friday, April 22, 2011

Darkman (1990)

Nothing new here. But over at And You Thought It Was Safe(?) we have Darkman (1990) Go there. See the dancing freak. Only five bucks! To! See! The! Dance! Ing! Freak!

Friday, September 24, 2010

New Review: Resident Evil (2002)

This week, AYTIWS(?) watches on in horror as Paul W.S. Anderson pulls a career out of Milla Jovovich's ass in Resident Evil (2002).

Gay Air Force Nurse Wins Job Back; DADT Wins Raised Middle Finger

Via BBC (among others):

In the state of Washington, a judge ruled the ban unconstitutional and said the firing hurt morale in her unit.

Maj Margaret Witt sued after the Air Force sacked her upon learning of her relationship with a civilian woman.

President Obama and some military leaders have called for the repeal of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy, but Congress this week rejected the bid.

On Friday, US District Judge Ronald Leighton became teary as he praised Maj Witt for her struggle to win back her job following her 2004 suspension and subsequent dismissal.

"There is no evidence that wounded troops care about the sexual orientation of the flight nurse or medical technician tending to their wounds," Judge Leighton ruled.

Thankfully, there's overwhelming evidence at least one District Judge is as fucking sick and fucking tired of waiting for Congress and Our Glorious Leader to pull their thumbs out of their asses as I am.

Oh, I'm sorry, make that two.

The ruling is the second this month in which a federal judge has said the "don't ask, don't tell" policy violates the US Constitution. Analysts say the twin rulings add further momentum to the growing movement to overturn the policy.

The only thing stopping it? The same thing that stops everything, pinky: upcoming elections. If politicians solved problems, what could they promise to fix during their campaigns? Good God, how could they raise funds? Who could they possibly scare the jaded, coddled, apolitical public out of their gadget-stuffed homes, off their ever-fattening asses, and into a voting booth?

That's why we'll have no tax on rich people. That's why "don't ask, don't tell" is still on the books, despite being barbarically stupid. That's why we'll have no direct federal hiring, no net neutrality, no universal health care. Nothing but greed, money grubbing, and desperation for this Empire tonight...punctuated by the occasional bit of good news, in between drone aircraft attacks and the disaster movies sprung to life. The Apocalypse might be upon us, but at least my lesbian sisters can go down fighting. For "freedom," of some kind.