Episode 3: Talkin’ Trash
Plot: With a garbage strike seizing New York City in the wake of Godzilla Mark I's rampage, a pair of eggheads at the Manhattan Institute of Advanced Technology (MIAT?) struggle to find a “scientific solution.” The subordinate one, Felix (Faust?) (Grant Shaud—who will forever be, to me, the voice of Murphy Brown’s old boss boss, Miles Silverberg) has an answer in his still-to-be-perfected “Nanotech drivers”: a “colony of microbes” that consume petroleum-based products, manufacturing copies of themselves from the result. Visible to the human eye as a red-and-orange, candy cane-striped sludge, the drivers are unstable…and more than a little ravenous. Nevertheless, Felix (Faust)'s as-yet-unnamed boss insists on a field test for New York’s (unnamed) Mayor tomorrow. What could possibly go wrong...right?
Back at casa Tatopoulos, Randy Hernandez—punk, hacker, punk-hacker, and Odious Comic Relief of the series—busies himself painting eyes and a mean set of jaws on the tub of a boat DGSE Agent Monique Dupre secured in the last episode. “If we’re gonna be the world’s number one monster hunting team,” Randy pronounces, “we’re gonna need a mean looking ride.”
Ah, yes but--teams need names. “High-Performance, Environmental Attack Team,” Randy forwards, prompting Dr. Nick to poke his head out of the boat and ask, “How about, ‘Humanitarian, Environmental’...”
“—Analysis…” Elsie finishes “…Team?” Ah, the great debates of contemporary science…so applicable to me and my life today…
Meanwhile, across the Hudson, something goes terribly wrong. Big surprise. And Audrey Timmonds is there, once again getting the kind of story real journalists only wet-dream of: “Live from the Hudson River, where a high-tech, garbage-eating microbe has spun out of control.” Like Raymond Burr’s Steve Martin, Audrey is everywhere, an observer to every giant monster attack in the New York metro area. Won’t be long before, in the true spirit of Gonzo, Audrey becomes a participant as well.
Not in this case, however. Now’s the time for H.E.A.T. (really? “H.E.A.T.”? Really? The entire development department of Fox Kids sits around for what was probably months and comes up with “H.E.A.T.”? Gimmie a fucking break, please) to save the day in their own, roundabout fashion.
Attempts to disable the ‘drivers with physical force only encourage microbial violence….which, in turn, draws Godzilla out of his new lair under the floor of New York harbor, obvious pissed at a nap interrupted. Thus the Monster as Friend to Man vs. the Monster of Science Gone Awry—a protracted kind of fight by the standards of later episodes, carrying Godzilla and the ‘drivers into one of New Jersey’s finer refineries.
While Godzilla keeps the monster busy, its up to H.E.A.T. to actually solve something. Echoing Independence Day, Randy and Mendel cease their on-going Prank War (called by Elsie, who's an enabler) long enough to devise a computer virus capable of crashing the Nanodrivers before they eat enough oil to swallow Manhattan. “Crashing,” in this case, appears to mean the creatures miraculously loose all the moisture they’ve gained in their travels, providing Godzilla a solid target to smash. With only a few tens of millions of dollars in damage to the New Jersey shore, it looks like a home run for the good guys…fuggitaboutit.
Unfortunately, Godzilla’s very public appearance shatters any illusions Nick and Maj. Hicks might’ve held about keeping the Big Guy, in Hicks’ words, “our little secret.”
Analysis: This episode solidifies elements that dominate the rest of the series: Randy and Mendel’s “prank war” via N.I.G.E.L. the robot (whom I refuse to talk about yet), Maj. Hicks’ ambivalent relationship toward Godzilla, and H.E.A.T.’s semi-magical ability to instantly assume control of any giant monster-related situation despite their complete (or, at the very least, never addressed) lack of government, military, or even corporate support.
This last is most interesting. That boat, the "H.E.A.T. Seeker" (much like Godzilla himself) goes where it wants with little regard for jurisdiction or procedure. Perhaps this whole imprinting thing runs both ways and a wee little bit of the Big G has already rubbed off on Dr. Nick. With one phone call “the guy who saved the City from Godzilla” muscles his boat through harbor patrol and into the thick of the “nano-tech feeding frenzy” (never thought I'd heard Miles Silverberg say that). Future episodes will make much of H.E.A.T.S. on-again, off-again powers of carte blanche. Now...if only our intrepid scientists could decide on a name for their new branch of vertebrate biology. “Mutationology” doesn’t sing, and “the study of biological anomalies” lacks visceral brevity. Kaijuologist is too Japanese for American T.V. and “Heat Seekers” just sounds creepy…the name of a monster in and of itself. Come to think of it, I don’t believe this question is ever officially settled by the series. Sigh.
Monique raises a more interesting one once Godzilla arrives to mix it up with the Orange-and-Red-Striped Goo: “Would you be cheering of there were people in those warehouses?” Wait...you mean there aren’t? It’s the middle of the day on the Jersey shore and ain’t nobody workin? Have the Teamsters been that successful? Or have the Americans of this universe finally wised up enough to copy a few of Japan’s disaster-preparedness protocols? Say what you want, but the Japanese know how to do quick, orderly mass movements...particularly in crowded, metropolitan areas. I can (reasonably) believe in Japan’s ability to evacuate her cities at the drop of a hat…but America’s? Not so much. Not so much anymore at all, in fact.
On one level, I understand the necessity of having Monique ask her question…on the other, I’d rather the producers snuck the fact that there aren’t any people in those warehouses under our noses…instead of rubbing it in our face. Some of us like to pretend the people making this series actually cared enough to avoid insulting our intelligence, or the intelligence of our hypothetical children, who (I’ll tell you right now) can be just as bloodthirsty as we are…if not more so. I was a wicked little child, regularly wished gloom and doom upon my foes, and when Godzilla stepped into a crowded street full of fleeing onlookers I knew each and every one of those fuckers had been ground into paste. And I loved it. I bloody loved it, and if you’ve got an American child who doesn’t he’s either lying to you…or he’s a Quaker.
We’ll detour there, past the whole ghettoized issue of Violence and Death and all that other depressing shite…and talk about Godzilla, the show’s, peculiar relationship to Science…Though integral (it being, nominally, a “science fiction” show) Godzilla’s writers and producers play fast and loose with the laws of physic, chemistry, and engineering, as anyone dealing with giant monster’s must.
Or must it? Really? I’m not suggesting that so-called “hard” science fiction writers invade the giant monster genre. Personally, their work leaves me limp, and I’m sure their presence would only drain the material of inherent humanity. I’m suggesting that, perhaps, giant monsters be taken seriously as concepts and as threats.
Example: the Nanotech Drivers—a crossbreed of two potent, modern techno-phobias: the actual nightmare of nanotechnology, Gray Goo, and every environmentalist’s nightmare: the plastosphere. What’s to stop anything that eats plastic from eating its way across the face of the earth? Writer Perry does a wonderful job building a credible threat…only to jump the shark with Randy and Mendel’s quick-fix computer virus. Seriously—does no one write code by hand anymore? I know they did back in ’98 and let me tell you what: it’s not a dramatic process no matter what television tells you. It lies.
It also numbs the mind with style whenever it can. The sight of Dr. Nick dangling from a helicopter is supposed to distract me. I’m not supposed to think about this stuff. But I am and I do. As should be obvious.
See you next time for another round of thought, space cowboys.
Plot: With a garbage strike seizing New York City in the wake of Godzilla Mark I's rampage, a pair of eggheads at the Manhattan Institute of Advanced Technology (MIAT?) struggle to find a “scientific solution.” The subordinate one, Felix (Faust?) (Grant Shaud—who will forever be, to me, the voice of Murphy Brown’s old boss boss, Miles Silverberg) has an answer in his still-to-be-perfected “Nanotech drivers”: a “colony of microbes” that consume petroleum-based products, manufacturing copies of themselves from the result. Visible to the human eye as a red-and-orange, candy cane-striped sludge, the drivers are unstable…and more than a little ravenous. Nevertheless, Felix (Faust)'s as-yet-unnamed boss insists on a field test for New York’s (unnamed) Mayor tomorrow. What could possibly go wrong...right?Back at casa Tatopoulos, Randy Hernandez—punk, hacker, punk-hacker, and Odious Comic Relief of the series—busies himself painting eyes and a mean set of jaws on the tub of a boat DGSE Agent Monique Dupre secured in the last episode. “If we’re gonna be the world’s number one monster hunting team,” Randy pronounces, “we’re gonna need a mean looking ride.”
Ah, yes but--teams need names. “High-Performance, Environmental Attack Team,” Randy forwards, prompting Dr. Nick to poke his head out of the boat and ask, “How about, ‘Humanitarian, Environmental’...”
“—Analysis…” Elsie finishes “…Team?” Ah, the great debates of contemporary science…so applicable to me and my life today…
Meanwhile, across the Hudson, something goes terribly wrong. Big surprise. And Audrey Timmonds is there, once again getting the kind of story real journalists only wet-dream of: “Live from the Hudson River, where a high-tech, garbage-eating microbe has spun out of control.” Like Raymond Burr’s Steve Martin, Audrey is everywhere, an observer to every giant monster attack in the New York metro area. Won’t be long before, in the true spirit of Gonzo, Audrey becomes a participant as well.Not in this case, however. Now’s the time for H.E.A.T. (really? “H.E.A.T.”? Really? The entire development department of Fox Kids sits around for what was probably months and comes up with “H.E.A.T.”? Gimmie a fucking break, please) to save the day in their own, roundabout fashion.
Attempts to disable the ‘drivers with physical force only encourage microbial violence….which, in turn, draws Godzilla out of his new lair under the floor of New York harbor, obvious pissed at a nap interrupted. Thus the Monster as Friend to Man vs. the Monster of Science Gone Awry—a protracted kind of fight by the standards of later episodes, carrying Godzilla and the ‘drivers into one of New Jersey’s finer refineries.
While Godzilla keeps the monster busy, its up to H.E.A.T. to actually solve something. Echoing Independence Day, Randy and Mendel cease their on-going Prank War (called by Elsie, who's an enabler) long enough to devise a computer virus capable of crashing the Nanodrivers before they eat enough oil to swallow Manhattan. “Crashing,” in this case, appears to mean the creatures miraculously loose all the moisture they’ve gained in their travels, providing Godzilla a solid target to smash. With only a few tens of millions of dollars in damage to the New Jersey shore, it looks like a home run for the good guys…fuggitaboutit.
Unfortunately, Godzilla’s very public appearance shatters any illusions Nick and Maj. Hicks might’ve held about keeping the Big Guy, in Hicks’ words, “our little secret.”
Analysis: This episode solidifies elements that dominate the rest of the series: Randy and Mendel’s “prank war” via N.I.G.E.L. the robot (whom I refuse to talk about yet), Maj. Hicks’ ambivalent relationship toward Godzilla, and H.E.A.T.’s semi-magical ability to instantly assume control of any giant monster-related situation despite their complete (or, at the very least, never addressed) lack of government, military, or even corporate support.
This last is most interesting. That boat, the "H.E.A.T. Seeker" (much like Godzilla himself) goes where it wants with little regard for jurisdiction or procedure. Perhaps this whole imprinting thing runs both ways and a wee little bit of the Big G has already rubbed off on Dr. Nick. With one phone call “the guy who saved the City from Godzilla” muscles his boat through harbor patrol and into the thick of the “nano-tech feeding frenzy” (never thought I'd heard Miles Silverberg say that). Future episodes will make much of H.E.A.T.S. on-again, off-again powers of carte blanche. Now...if only our intrepid scientists could decide on a name for their new branch of vertebrate biology. “Mutationology” doesn’t sing, and “the study of biological anomalies” lacks visceral brevity. Kaijuologist is too Japanese for American T.V. and “Heat Seekers” just sounds creepy…the name of a monster in and of itself. Come to think of it, I don’t believe this question is ever officially settled by the series. Sigh.
Monique raises a more interesting one once Godzilla arrives to mix it up with the Orange-and-Red-Striped Goo: “Would you be cheering of there were people in those warehouses?” Wait...you mean there aren’t? It’s the middle of the day on the Jersey shore and ain’t nobody workin? Have the Teamsters been that successful? Or have the Americans of this universe finally wised up enough to copy a few of Japan’s disaster-preparedness protocols? Say what you want, but the Japanese know how to do quick, orderly mass movements...particularly in crowded, metropolitan areas. I can (reasonably) believe in Japan’s ability to evacuate her cities at the drop of a hat…but America’s? Not so much. Not so much anymore at all, in fact.On one level, I understand the necessity of having Monique ask her question…on the other, I’d rather the producers snuck the fact that there aren’t any people in those warehouses under our noses…instead of rubbing it in our face. Some of us like to pretend the people making this series actually cared enough to avoid insulting our intelligence, or the intelligence of our hypothetical children, who (I’ll tell you right now) can be just as bloodthirsty as we are…if not more so. I was a wicked little child, regularly wished gloom and doom upon my foes, and when Godzilla stepped into a crowded street full of fleeing onlookers I knew each and every one of those fuckers had been ground into paste. And I loved it. I bloody loved it, and if you’ve got an American child who doesn’t he’s either lying to you…or he’s a Quaker.
We’ll detour there, past the whole ghettoized issue of Violence and Death and all that other depressing shite…and talk about Godzilla, the show’s, peculiar relationship to Science…Though integral (it being, nominally, a “science fiction” show) Godzilla’s writers and producers play fast and loose with the laws of physic, chemistry, and engineering, as anyone dealing with giant monster’s must. Or must it? Really? I’m not suggesting that so-called “hard” science fiction writers invade the giant monster genre. Personally, their work leaves me limp, and I’m sure their presence would only drain the material of inherent humanity. I’m suggesting that, perhaps, giant monsters be taken seriously as concepts and as threats.
Example: the Nanotech Drivers—a crossbreed of two potent, modern techno-phobias: the actual nightmare of nanotechnology, Gray Goo, and every environmentalist’s nightmare: the plastosphere. What’s to stop anything that eats plastic from eating its way across the face of the earth? Writer Perry does a wonderful job building a credible threat…only to jump the shark with Randy and Mendel’s quick-fix computer virus. Seriously—does no one write code by hand anymore? I know they did back in ’98 and let me tell you what: it’s not a dramatic process no matter what television tells you. It lies.It also numbs the mind with style whenever it can. The sight of Dr. Nick dangling from a helicopter is supposed to distract me. I’m not supposed to think about this stuff. But I am and I do. As should be obvious.
See you next time for another round of thought, space cowboys.
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