Ed Gillespie is a Vicious Little Toad

Because I’m such a masochist I took the time to watch Ed Gillespie, chairman of the Republican National Committee, hold court over at cspan.org. The great toad was positively glowing with masturbatory self-congratulation. “This is a historic victory,” he said. What with that vast, 3% of the vote and all. With Black Tuesday’s “historic” results, Dubya becomes the first Republican President with House and Senate majorities since 1924.

Pop quiz, hot shot: who, pray tell, was President in 1924?

That would be Silent Cal Coolidge, ladies and gentlemen, the greatest man ever to come out of Plymouth, Vermont. And God knows what a great mandate he received. "His great task was to restore the dignity and prestige of the Presidency when it had reached the lowest ebb in our history ... in a time of extravagance and waste...” So said Alfred E. Smith, whom whitehouse.gov calls “a Democratic admirer.” Whatever the fuck that means.

What, you might ask, does Coolidge have to be admired for? Well…

On May 15, 1924, Congress passed the Bonus Act providing for twenty-year certificates to WWI veterans below the rank of major. Coolidge vetoed it and Congress was all like, “Fuck you,” passing it over him on May 19. The Act would go on to cause all holy hell for Coolidge’s successor, Herbert Hoover. Eight years later 15,000 Veterans in the dark heart of the Depression swarmed the Washington Mall, demanding their money like so many angry pimps. But that’s a story for another time…

Coolidge seemed to have no problem signing the Immigration Act of ’24, which established a strong quota system for immigrants, setting a 154,000 annual limit. Too keep out the Italians and the Jews, don’t you know. Because at the time everybody knew that wops and yids don’t make “good Americans.”

Let’s see, what else…ah, yes: the McNary-Haugen Bill. Never heard of it? Well, why should you’ve? Ol’ Stone Face vetoed the damn thing both times it passed Congress. Had it passed the bill would’ve established a government corporation (back when there were such things) to buy surplus farm goods for overseas resale. To Coolidge, this smacked of price fixing…somehow.

Five years later, a chronic surplus would send prices into the dirt, driving millions of dirt herding farmers out of the Midwest as oily bankers (white, Anglo Saxon Protestant bankers, mind you, as opposed to the usual Jews) moved in to bulldoze their houses and steal their land. One hopes Silent Cal got some egg on his face.

And…ah, yes. In 1928 Secretary of State Frank Kellogg drafted the Kellogg-Briand Pact. Eventually, 15 other countries (the core League of Nations) would sign onto the Pact, renouncing war as means of settling disputes. Boy that sure held up, didn’t it?

Thoroughly depressed by these and a whole host of other facts, I went trolling for some fun Coolidge quotes. Like this one: “I don’t work at night. If a man can’t finish his job in the daytime he’s not smart.”

The George W. Bush version? “If a man can’t finish his job in time to watch his dogs root for armadillos than he’s…uh…whassat, Dick? You’re breakin’ up. ‘scuze me while I check my ear piece. Hey, any a’ you guys usin’ a cell phone?”

Then there’s this cherry, passed to a friend after Coolidge left the White House: "The president shouldn't do too much. And he shouldn't know too much…The president can't resign...So I constantly said to my cabinet: ‘There are many things you gentlemen must not tell me. If you blunder, you can leave, or I can invite you to leave. But if you draw me into all our departmental decisions and something goes wrong, I must stay here, and by involving me, you have lowered the faith of the people in their government.”

Then it hits me like a fully loaded 747: By God, I thought, that’s it. That’s the fucking kicker. Junior has ripped a page straight out of the Calvin Coolidge playbook and stuffed it firmly into his ears.

I was going to spend the rest of this ranting against the malignant and promiscuious voter fraud that has officially put a bullet into our democracy’s head…but, whaddya know, Greg Pallast already beat me to it. Go read his thing at tompaine.com. And while you’re at it, read something that’s not connected with the election…like
this little gem from today’s LA Times.