Monday, May 16, 2011

A funny thing happened to me on the internet the other day

And I figured I'd talk about it here since I've barely paid attention to this site in months and feel fairly secure breaking the fourth wall over here. But Something funny happened to "me" on the internet over the weekend, and I figured I'd talk about it here rather than clutter up the main site.

At this point, I've been posting at-least-weekly reviews on And You Thought It Was Safe(?) for over a year. In that time, I've managed to increase my audience by a factor of five billion through the steady application of my nose to various grindstone. And yet, over the weekend, the author, blogger and Glenn Beckite Kathy Shaidle decided to pat me on the head, initiating one hell of a traffic increase. Seriously: more people saw my stuff last Sunday than normally see it in a week. That's as staggering thought. No matter how much I do, I am not Legion. You fine people in the internet are.

But the fact I'm such hot shit even Canadian libertarians love me isn't the funny part. The funny part is, a majority of those who came from fivefeetoffury immediately checked out my Vault of Past Reviews, Organized by Rating. Where they immediately encountered, at the top of the charts, sitting pretty with perfect scores of 5 out of 5

-The Ridley Scott horror movie

-The early 90s Batman cartoon nobody remembers

-Fight Club

-The John Carpenter horror movie

-The Spike Lee documentary

-The Noam Chomsky documentary

-The Michael Moore documentary

-John Carpenter's sci-fi send up of Reaganomics and,

-The feminist country noir that perfectly captures my home region: bleak, bloody, overrun with meth dealers, and depressing.

Now if that's not comedy, I don't know what is. I wonder how far they got before the realization sunk in. "Jesus fucking Christ, this asshole's a flaming liberal! Ge even lives in Or-ray-gon! I'll bet he even knows...immigrants! And Muslims!" Buy my cigarettes from 'em, in fact...though I don't know how devout they are, considering they don't seem to have a problem selling me smokes. Or alcohol.

And Kathy? I'm glad you liked it. Thank you.

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